What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'

What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas?
Twerky

Knock, knock!Who's there? Arthur
Arthur who?Arthur any mince pies left?

What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low elf esteem

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it

How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet

What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments

What goes 'Oh, oh, oh'?
Santa walking backwards

Did Rudolf go to school?
No, he was Elf-taught

Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

What do you call an old snowman?
Water

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve

How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
Twenty-five, because there’s "no L"

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful

What does Santa get when he's stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobia

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis

What's the most popular Christmas wine?
"I don't like Brussels sprouts"

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you

Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells

What do you call chess players bragging in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad

Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noel Coward

What do you call a reindeer who can't see?
No-eye deer

How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws

What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer

What does the King call his Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show

What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker

Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care

How did Mary know that Jesus was 3kg when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered

What do you call an old snowman?
Water

What's a dog's favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh!

Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?
Because he's tired of being in the single market!

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost

Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprints

Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!

What is white and minty?
A polo bear!

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!

What happens to elves when they are naughty?
Santa gives them the sack!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!

How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter Y!

What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?
A don-key!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers!

When is a boat just like snow?
When it's adrift!

Why can't Christmas trees knit?
Because they always drop their needles!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side!

Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door!

What is Santa's favourite place to deliver presents?
Idaho-ho-ho!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

What's a child's favourite king at Christmas?
A stocking!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
Because he had no body to go with!

Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
No well, no well!

What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonkey!

What is the Grinch's least favourite band?
The Who!

What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
St Nickerless
